Dear baby (a letter to my unborn child)

Hi baby. Are you ok in there? You’re certainly wriggling around and letting me know when you’re not comfortable. I’ve learned not to rest my book on my belly when I’m reading, or stand too close to the saucepan when I cook, because you don’t seem to like that. You do seem to like loud music and when I work out in the mornings. Perhaps you’ll be a dancer or a musician.

Dear baby, I’m still calling you “baby” because we don’t know whether you’re a sweet little girl or boy yet. If you’re a boy, I need you to help me choose your name. You have no idea the number of hours I have struggled with this. Give me a sign when I meet you, ok? But if you’re a girl, I know exactly what I want to call you, though I know all that might change when I see your face. When I see your face! I absolutely can’t wait. Every day is one step closer to cuddling with you.

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Your daddy is especially excited about the cuddling part – he keeps making space for a fictional you when we’re curled up in bed. He held another baby girl last weekend at a wedding, and he looked equal parts delighted and terrified. I know he’ll be great though, if not a little nervous at times about your safety. I’ll make sure he doesn’t completely cover you in bubble wrap though. My wish for you is a life full of adventure and experiences.

Dear baby, I say I “can’t wait” to meet you, but at the same time I need these few extra weeks, please. If you can just hang out in there a little longer, I’d really appreciate that! They say you’ll never be ready, but I would really like your nursery to be waiting for you. I’d like to have ordered my nursing pillows so I can feed you properly and comfortably. And I’d like to feel spiritually ready to become a mother. I’m nearly there. I’m realising the sacrifices mothers all over the world make for their children, and I want to follow in their footsteps. I really, really want to be a good mother. Even though I am short of temper sometimes, impatient, self-absorbed, I will work on all of these things for you, dear baby.

You are born into an amazing network of friends and family, dear baby. You are already so, so loved. Your grandparents on both sides are going to spoil and love you fiercely. You have aunts and uncles of both blood and non-blood, ready to welcome you into their worlds. You live in an amazing city that is full of opportunity and wisdom. I hope you’ll make the most of it. You don’t have to go to Oxbridge to make us proud; just stay curious and kind and I’ll be as proud as punch.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you, dear baby. I hope you are content. I hope you are confident at school. I hope you can entertain yourself, and be ok with boredom at the same time. I hope you stay grounded. I hope that you’re secure in yourself. I hope you make friends, and are a good friend to others. I hope you travel and see the world, but always come home to us. I hope that you respect yourself and your body, I hope that you treat yourself well. I hope you work hard and find something that lights your fire. I hope you find someone special to share your rich life with. Mostly though, I hope you’re content.

You come from an unlikely place, dear baby. Your daddy is amazing. His family sacrificed a lot, so that he could make his way from Taiwan and study in the US. If he hadn’t learned English there, we would never have met. As it was, he worked hard and got himself a very good job in Tokyo, where I wound up rather randomly, too. Had it not been for your daddy’s persistence, nor my desire to run off to Japan for a few years, you would not be around to call the two of us ‘Ma & Ba’. Life works in mysterious ways, dear baby.

Oh and that’s another thing, dear baby. Your Ba is going to speak Mandarin to you, and I hope you’ll speak it back to him. You may not want to after a while; I have no doubt that you’ll be a stubborn tween and think it’s uncool to chat in Chinese with your dear old Dad. But one day you will appreciate being brought up bilingually. One day you’ll thank us for Chinese school. I can promise you that.

We won’t bring you up religiously, dear baby, but I do want you to appreciate that there is a higher divine power that guides us – all you have to do is listen and ask. I haven’t discovered exactly who he or she is, but I continue to search. I hope you keep an open mind about this too. It’s important to recognise that there is something that is bigger than yourself out there. That we are all vessels put on this earth to look after it, do some good and bring happiness to others.

Dear baby, it’s 3.5 weeks until we’re due to meet. If you do decide to come earlier, I won’t really mind. Just don’t come too late please. My heart can’t take it 🙂

I shall see you very soon, dear baby.

I love you already.

xxxxxxx

 

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